Created May 6, 2008 and Revised July 29, 2010; September 5, 2016; and March 9, 2017.
Copyright by John W. Allen 1998-2016.



TALES OF THE SHROOMS
Presents
MUSHROOMER'S
GREAT CROCODILE FANTASY ADVENTURE



CLICK ON EACH IMAGE TO ENLARGE


Shroom Master of the Dragon and the Great Crocodile." John's Dream Fantasy Adventure



A Photo Shopped Tale With Some Real Images





 
Crocodiles have survived nature for more than a few hundred thousand years, Maybe millions of years. No matter what science tells us, no one can really give us an exact or even close date of existence.

Here is the Texas Crocodile over 150,000 years old. This is in Thailand on display at Samutprakarn. I have no idea if it is the original or a copy of the original. However, the size is the real size of the beast

See the man standing in the background. That should give one an idea of the enormous size of this creature.


Image 1: Skull of prehistoric Crocodile, Samutprakarn, Thailand



 
Now this guy was on display in Bangkok outside the theatre where they were showing Lake Placid. It was created for the promotion of the movie. I should have crossed the street and photographed the whole croc, but I didn't. It was still pretty cool to see this giant replica of a reptile. It was actually pretty long.


Image 2: Thai Man stands besides giant Crocodile promoting the Movie, Lake Placid.



 
Here we find a Gathering of Crocs. They are playing spin the croc tail. The loser gets his tail bitten off, or possibly an arm or leg.


Image 3: Crocs being sociable and lazy in the hot weather. When grouped together, they sometimes snap off one another's limbs.



 
Now I was watching this croc which had a small bird in his mouth cleaning the food bits lodge between the croc's teeth. By the time I got the camera out the bird had flown the coop.

This guy sure had a long snout.


Image 4: This croc was taking in the sun while a bird cleaned his teeth. By the time I got the camera in position, the bird flew away.


 
The Five of Crocs.


Image 5: Five crocs facing off one another in the river


 
An angry croc on dry land with a reflection of the wire fence to protect the public from the cages


Image 6: Sure would not want to get grabbed by this feller.


 
On a bridge looking straight down at the crocodile from above


Image 7: Here come ole flat-top, he come creepin' up slowly, he got joo-joo eye-balls, like it was holy moly.


 
Now, I like Crocodiles because they always smile at you. That is what they do before they try to bite the hand (or leg) that feeds them. Here we have a real smiler. Believe me when I say he is getting ready for the kill.



Image 8: And as one can see, this is a real friendly smile.
Just waiting for the right moment to snap..



 
And this large croc-guy is really ready to take a bite out of someone if he gets the chance to.


Image 9: And as one can see, this is one nery-larged wipe-opened mouth showing teeth with grit.


 
To give you an idea of how the they could bite the hand that feeds them, let me tell you the tale of the time I fed this croc and how I almost lost a hand, arm, leg or maybe even my whole body. I could of actually have been dragged over the railing into the murky depths of crocodile hell in the waters below me. Now at this place I visited, one can feed the crocs three pieces of meat for five baht. This was in the late 1980s or early 1990s.

I was standing on the edge over looking a lake filled with many crocs.

There was as you can see in the photo below the railing. Which is somewhat blurred as I was only focusing my camera on the croc.

So I bought these three large chunks of what I think were horse meat. I held my Nikon in one hand and laid the other hand out over the railing in the picture while holding the fresh fleshy meat in my hand. I saw a swarm of crocs below and I slowly squeezed the blood out of the meat and watched as it rapidly fell to the water below.

In an instant I suddenly recalled that scene from the Michael Douglas movie, "Romancing the Stone." You know the scene in the film where Michael Douglas was battling Lt. Zolo's soldiers and a guard had just nugged Michael Douglas in the nuts with his rifle butt where Douglas had hidden this giant Ruby Red Corazon gem stone. And as he was hit hard (ouch), the gem stone fell down through the leg of his pants to the flat of the top of his snakeskin boot. Can you recall the instant the stone as it hit the top of the boot, Douglas then lifted his foot and flung the gem stone while on his foot straight up into the air and it came down and landed directly into the palm of Lt. Zolo's hand. At that very moment a giant croc lifted it self out of the water and bit the Lt's hand off.

Well, it was at that exact thought in my mind that I let go of the piece of red meat in my hand and yanked my hand back towards me from over that railing.

See the piece of meat in that croc's mouth. That could have been my hand because that is where my hand had been a moment before when I released the meat to fall. That f-----r dove straight up out of the water more than ten feet to latch onto that juicy piece of horse flesh which I was holding in my hand over the railing and squeezing the blood to attract his attention.


Image 10: See the photo directly above: The truth is stranger than fiction:



 
That night I smoked a wee bit of a Thai joint. Very potent shit in Thailand. It was the Psychedelic slow creeper kind of pot. Pot where you have a few tokes and then don't feel anything so you have a few more, and then the shit hits the fan. Well,I was the so stoned I could not move and so I tried to sleep which was really easy on that shit. And, as I slept in a bungalow along the coast of the Gulf of Thailand, I had a strange dream. I had been swimming in the warm gulf waters and a giant killer shark appeared in a giant tsunami wave as it approached the shoreline. I immediately saw this large snapper and jumped on his back and coached him by side kicking his shins into swimming me away from the giant shark. And from the force of the giant wave.


Image 11: Above you can see a surprised surfer on his board as the shark passes by and I am excaping the scene in my dream by riding the croc to get away from the shark. Who, Luckilly for me, was sharking in the opposite direction from which the croc was taking me in the flow of the tsunami wave.



 
Then, while still in a dream-like state, that swift rushing wave had magically transported myself while still holding on to the shark, all the way to the 9th dimension; home of the Planet Arachna where I proceeded to get even with that croc. I took better control of my hold over him by grabbing him from behind as I stayed mounted on him, all the while screaming and yelling at him, :"Fuck with me wll you?". I could not believe the strength of this reptillian beast as he attempted to drag me across Arachna all the way to the Water Falls of Zarn where I finally subdued him into submission.

Then I proceeded to hump him back for fucking with me. Hehehehehe!


Image 12:Here I am being transported across the 9th dimension of Arachna in my somewhat Thai pot stoned croc dream state of mind




 
Now as the up and coming night shade slowly crept upon the planet Arachna, and the sun settled into the sunset, I became worried about the other crocs lurking in the bleek up and coming darkness. The purple haze of the night slowly ebbed away into total darknes as seen in the image below.


Image 13: I am still riding the croc into the Arachna sunset where something wicked this way comes for me.



 
Well, later that very night after being dragged across Arachna in my dream all the while experiencing a most horrible nightmare, I dreamed that the croc I was riding had now twisted his body around and around until I had fallen into the darkness on a platform of black sea where the croc was waiting for me to hopefully lose control of my hold over him. Suddenly, my head got caught in the croc's mouth and I struggled with both of my hands to keep his Mouthy teeth from chomping off my head with his mighty powerful jaw crushing strength. At that excact moment in my dream-mare, in that very moment, a second croc came up beside us and decided to check out my leg, clamping down his snapper jaws just below the edge of my knee.

Of which he bit down real hard on.


Image 14: Here you can see me with my head in the croc's mouth and a second croc has now latched onto my leg with his snapper mouth and teeth.



 
While I was still dreaming and under the influence of that potent Thai weed, the croc then bit off my leg and made off like a fish swimming into the black murky depths of the water with a bunch of brother crocs on his tail, all attempting to share bites of my missing limb.


Image 15: Here you can see my leg is gone and the blood flows freely into the waters of hell as the darkness cauterizis my open wound



 
Well, while still under the influence of the Thai weed, and still stuck in my dream, I thought that I had awakened up from my night mare croc ride and so after waking up the next day in a stoned mood, I was thinking to myself how thankful that it was only a dream and that I still had my two legs. So I decided to rid myself of my fears and go put my head into a crocdiles mouth to prove that I was not afraid anymore. However, for some weird reason or other, I realized that this crocodile might just be a cayman and wondered what he was doing in my crocodile dream adventure.


Image 16: Here I am still dreaming and I find myself playing with my head in the mouth of a long-slender-headed Cayman gator.


 
Well at long last, my dreary-eyed dream comes to a close as I slowly emerge from my pot induced dream sleep of Gator hell. I look outside my bungalow window and see the rising sun as it opens its brightness on the shores of Lamai Beach and it is a beautiful image as the haze creeps back into the darkness I had just left and the sight of the impending appearing palm trees once return to the shores that I love so much.


Image 17: An awakening overview of the beach of Lamai, Koh Samui


 
After that dream I had to go get my soul mate and companion, "El Gato de Leaopardo da Kittio" and now we patrol the shores of Lamai and Koh Samui to keep all of the crocodiles away from the tourists and locals who love this Island of Beauty.


Image 18: Here I stand with my kitty cat friend guarding the island from the evil snappers from hell.


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